When I had my first daughter, I had very little knowledge about breastfeeding. I thought it was as easy as abc until baby was born, I didn't know how to hold to feed a baby. A hungry baby cries the roof down. I felt so lousy whenever my baby cried because I couldn't hold her in the right position to latch. She cried and screamed and my tears just streamed down my cheeks. During the confinement month, the confinement lady told me the first few days I will not have any milk, therefore supply with formula and not only that, she fed my baby with water when she cried and it wasn't time for her to drink. As a first time mom, I just let her be because I didn't know that actually too much of water for baby under 6 months can cause water intoxication. Due to this, baby did not have enough of milk and her jaundice level went up and up. She was admitted to the hospital twice for phototherapy. Again, I felt so lousy as a mom. I ended up being an EP mom, expressing my milk all the time. Baby had nipple confusion because of the limited latching moments and most of the time baby was on bottle. She would scream when I tried to latch her. Felt so lousy and like a failure. I continued pumping and pumping, and unable to empty the breasts completely. Due to this, I suffered from mastitis twice and sore nipples due to the wrong size of flanges and pumped with a high suction. The nipple bled terribly that I thought I had paget until I went to see a breast specialist. I even pumped out a bottle of fresh blood milk. So terrific when I saw it and I quickly poured it down the sink. After all these trauma, I gave up on breastfeeding and at that time, my daughter was only 8mo.
Two years later, my son was born. This round I was more prepared and determined to go for direct latching more than pumping. Joined the breastfeeding advocates in Facebook helps a lot. I learned a lot from all the mommies. Breastfeeding with no2 was sailing smooth. Baby no2 latch on very well and he has a big appetite. On the first day itself he almost latched on for 24hrs. I was so tired but I just continued to sit down and latch and latch. The bonding was so sacred that I was so determined that I will breastfeed him as long as possible. He did not have any jaundice, thank God. And breastfeeding went on so smooth until I left for Sweden for 3 weeks. He was under the care of my mom during my trip with the freezer filled with frozen breastmilk. Unfortunately my stocks were not enough for the 3 weeks that we had to top up with formula. My supply dropped tremendously when I was there and to make it worst, when I was back, he didn't want to latch! I missed the bonding so much and eagerly waiting to go home and latch him, but he just didn't want to. My breasts were so engorged due to the long hours of flight and I didn't get to drain them up completely in the plane and during the connecting flight. I regretted that I left him to sweden and the feeling was like I reaped what I sowed. I tried to dream feed him but failed as well. I just couldn't hold back my tears when I told my mom he rejected me. But I did not give up. I kept trying and trying to dream feed him for 3 weeks and finally, glad to say that he remembered my nipples! I placed the bottle near my nipple and when he drank well from the bottle, I pulled the bottle away and stuffed my nipple. It works! Haha. Awwww.. Baby boy, no more next time yeah. Thank you for giving mommy a chance and remembering how to latch again. Our breastfeeding journey then continued on until I was pregnant with no3, when he was 2 years plus. Initially he refused to wean but after much explanation to him that mommy's milk has dried up, he finally accepted the fact and as a big brother, he said let baby drinks mommy's milk. Such a good kor kor.
This year, baby no3 was born and I was more than prepared to start the breastfeeding journey again. I missed the sacred bonding of breastfeeding and couldn't wait to start all over again. Baby no3 is a trooper! She latches so well and I breastfed her from the first day she was born and till today, we are still going strong! She was born with only 2.8kg and on the 20th day, she gained about 1kg and when we brought her to check on her jaundice, the doctor was so so pleased of her growth. And that makes me a proud mom. All the hardwork of sleepless night and feeding on demand finally paid off. I'm so so glad that I'm able to breastfeed her right from the start and today, she's one happy girl whenever I hold her in the latching position. She will first look at me with the sweetest smile ever and then started to open her mouth to latch. Aaaahhhh baby girl, let's stay strong in this beautiful journey together. On the other hand, kor kor is now back on breastmilk! He doesn't want to latch, so I just have to work harder to pump out the milk for him. I even filled up the freezer with frozen breastmilk just in case we need the stocks in future. From time to time, I would clear the frozen breastmilk so that I do not keep the stocks for more than 3 months. Baby Vi and kor kor accepted the frozen milk's taste and smell. =D This journey is so beautiful that I do not have any future plans to wean unless she decided to wean on her own.
Here's the chilled breastmilk for kor kor. Sometimes there are too many that I have to heat up for jie jie as well. She will say yucks, but she still finishes up everything. 😂
Frozen EBM for emergency.. I know I'm super lousy in the arrangements, but I'm running out of bottles and space. So I think these stocks should be sufficient.
Here's my breastfeeding journey with all the three and indeed, this is the most beautiful journey ever. I love to breastfeed. The chemical connection and bonding is so real and precious!
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