Pacifier says it all...

Since Ashlynn was born, I struggled with the idea of offering a pacifier to pacify a crying baby. I tried my best, whatever way that I could just not to offer her the pacifier. I could say my enemy is the pacifier. I didn't want to start her off with the habit of sucking to sleep, but I try to train her to sleep on her own. Looks like I'm not capable to change her, with my "tauhu" heart.

At newborn age, she used to drink until sleep and that was easy. Perhaps the mistake was here. Suck until sleep.... Moved on to 1 month old, she cried and I offer her bbs. Suck until sleep eventho she just had her milk. 2 mths old... as her cry got louder, Justin carried and rocked her to sleep. And now, 3 months old.. she just can't fall asleep on her own at night. She needs to be carried and rocked to sleep! If we decided not to rock her to sleep, I offered my bbs. Gosh.....

Yesterday night, we agreed that it was time to train her to sleep on her own. We tried the first method, leave her in the cot and if she cries, let it be. Just ignoreeeee.... Close both ears shut with cotton buds. But after 2 mins, my heart break with the loud cry + scream + struggling and this method failed immediately. I felt so bad for letting her cry her lungs out when one minute ago, she just gave us a hearty smile. A smile from all her heart! How can I do that to her? Leave her to cry alone in the cot.... I cannot be so 'cruel'. I carried her and rocked her and after she calmed down, I put her down again. She started screaming again.... and thus, I gave in to the pacifier! Voila... she settled down, enjoyed sucking and then fell asleep after 5 mins.

I wonder what magic does a pacifier has. Does this mean I have to really give in to pacifier? I wonder what will be the consequences if a baby was left alone crying in the cot, in the dark room. I think too much? I'm too soft hearted? Phewwww... take a deep breath and the solution for now is pacifier. I surrender! If a pacifier can help my baby to sleep on her own without crying, I think it will be the best choice. Later I might need tutorial to learn how to wean off the habit of pacifier.