Dear Ashlynn and Daniel,
Today is one of those days that I felt so incompetent. Incapable.
You know, it is always my desire to be a stay at home mom so that I can give my all to both of you. And I can be with my precious children every day, every hour, every second. That I can ensure you two have proper meals, eat the most nutritious food, wear good clean clothes and most importantly, to nurture my children. I think I can do better than anyone else, and give my very best to both of you.
But today... not anymore. I feel that I do not know how to take care of both of you. Especially taking care of newborn, I feel so miserable. Not because of the sleepless nights, or the crying or whatsoever.. but I feel lousy for not able to read your mind. Your cry don't mean I want milk all the time, it could be something else, which I fail to analyze. So, most of the times, I give milk. And wonder if I overfed you. And that almost every time I burp you, you regurgitate milk. Could this mean that you are overfed? At times you vomited. I know regurgitating and vomiting is common in babies especially newborn, but I feel lousy when I see you like that. I feel that I'm incompetent to take care of you. And at this time, I think other people can do better than me. =(
I wonder if this is post-natal blues... that I felt so miserable. Perhaps I was too tired. Or overworked. I admit I do miss sleeping through the night and have a nice sweet dream. I won't lie about this. Who wouldn't want a nice uninterrupted sleep?
I'm sorry if at times I raised my voice, or took out the little cane, or even gave a spank on your thigh, sometimes I don't mean it and I lost my patience just like that.. kids are still kids anyway. I'm sorry!
Despite all these, Mommy loves both of you very much! Really! From the bottom of my heart! You both are my little champs and I will do whatever I can to give you both the very best out of me. Even if I needed to squeeze out the juice of my bones....
I pregnant, I give birth and I take care.
The three I's that keep me going!
Mommy loves both of you very very much!
Hugs!
Nite!
Today is one of those days that I felt so incompetent. Incapable.
You know, it is always my desire to be a stay at home mom so that I can give my all to both of you. And I can be with my precious children every day, every hour, every second. That I can ensure you two have proper meals, eat the most nutritious food, wear good clean clothes and most importantly, to nurture my children. I think I can do better than anyone else, and give my very best to both of you.
But today... not anymore. I feel that I do not know how to take care of both of you. Especially taking care of newborn, I feel so miserable. Not because of the sleepless nights, or the crying or whatsoever.. but I feel lousy for not able to read your mind. Your cry don't mean I want milk all the time, it could be something else, which I fail to analyze. So, most of the times, I give milk. And wonder if I overfed you. And that almost every time I burp you, you regurgitate milk. Could this mean that you are overfed? At times you vomited. I know regurgitating and vomiting is common in babies especially newborn, but I feel lousy when I see you like that. I feel that I'm incompetent to take care of you. And at this time, I think other people can do better than me. =(
I wonder if this is post-natal blues... that I felt so miserable. Perhaps I was too tired. Or overworked. I admit I do miss sleeping through the night and have a nice sweet dream. I won't lie about this. Who wouldn't want a nice uninterrupted sleep?
I'm sorry if at times I raised my voice, or took out the little cane, or even gave a spank on your thigh, sometimes I don't mean it and I lost my patience just like that.. kids are still kids anyway. I'm sorry!
Despite all these, Mommy loves both of you very much! Really! From the bottom of my heart! You both are my little champs and I will do whatever I can to give you both the very best out of me. Even if I needed to squeeze out the juice of my bones....
I pregnant, I give birth and I take care.
The three I's that keep me going!
Mommy loves both of you very very much!
Hugs!
Nite!
Stay strong Carysse. You can do it. I do understand your feelings right now and it's normal. I came across the same situation when Emyr was born, and Hayra being a sister at the age of 1 year and 2 months, it wasn't easy for her. Stay strong kay.
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