Sometimes the everyday routine in life can be so scary that I don't wish to wake up to the morning. I just feel like hiding under my blanket and just sleep and sleep. The routine is so tiring that oh, it's another day, a day all by myself again. A day that I'm so afraid off that I don't look forward to.
But at the same time, time flies so fast that my newborn is no longer a newborn. Jie jie is growing up so fast that one more year of preschool and she will graduate. Kor kor is going to preschool next year. My kids are growing up. Where did the time go? Life is so busy that I forgot to sit down and enjoy and relax and just watch them grow.
I miss those days when life was pretty free when we will enjoy ourselves on the couch catching up with our favorite drama of the day after work. Shopping and dine out can be anytime anywhere and stress free. I dressed up, put my makeup and lipstick on, blew my hair and when I felt that I looked presentable, off we went.
Today, I just don't bother to put any make up on because when makeup and sweat mix together, you know what is the outcome. To prepare two toddlers and a baby for an outing, most of the time my whole face is drenched with sweat. Once everyone gets into the car, I sit down, blast the aircond and take a deep breath. And I pray that the two toddlers will follow instructions and the baby will drink and sleep. No fuss. Sometimes a family outing can also be pretty stressful when I have to keep the kids quiet while the husband is dealing with the bumper to bumper jam. Tell me, how to keep the kids quiet when you know they are kids? Shouldn't we be thankful that they are active, means they are healthy?
Boy, how life has changed. Some days I just love to be home with my kids. But some days I regretted why I resigned. I miss talking and laughing together with my friends. I miss dressing up and looking good on the mirror. I miss my payslip and reward myself at the end of the month. I miss the ability to buy what I like or fly on a jet plane as and when we see cheap deals. I miss it when I can slowly enjoy my food. I miss having different environment to work in, great encounter with different people in the world.
When my colleague knew I resigned, she told me I will definitely miss having fun with friends and staying at home is like growing fungus on yourself. And another colleague told me that you will not have any conversation to talk to your husband because you're out from the world. All that you talk is oh, this vege is cheap. Oh, pasar malam sells cheaper fish. The auntys' talk. At that time, I just stared at her and smiled and I whispered in my heart, 'I will prove you wrong'.
Today, I felt like those words are slapping on my face. Staying at home makes me feel so lonely. The husband is busy all the time, except for the weekends. During weekdays, we hardly have time to sit down and cuddle and talk. He's so busy with his late night meetings and meetings that we all don't eat dinner together nor do we go to bed together. When me and the kids are sleeping, he's still working. It breaks my heart when sometimes the kids will say I want to sleep with daddy. Some days are so busy for him that I don't get to talk to him at all. All these makes me feel what is life all about.
I miss the good old working days. When we will come home together after work, have dinner and then we will tuck in bed together as a family, with our precious little ones next to us. Today, it's just so different. I also miss the hangouts with my friends. I miss the old working days when me and my colleagues always look at the clock for 12pm. We looked forward for lunch and we created a chatroom just to discuss what to eat and where to eat. And then we joked, talked and laughed. Not to mention, I have a very good understanding boss. And that makes my working life more vibrant. Those were the good old days.
This struggle is so real that some nights I just lie down and cry. Day after day, it's just another day passing by. The same routine. The same day. Just another day again. God, it's tough. I know you see it. I just need to find back the reason to appreciate life and smile. I just need to surrender everything and find rest under His wings. Rest and Relax.
But at the same time, time flies so fast that my newborn is no longer a newborn. Jie jie is growing up so fast that one more year of preschool and she will graduate. Kor kor is going to preschool next year. My kids are growing up. Where did the time go? Life is so busy that I forgot to sit down and enjoy and relax and just watch them grow.
I miss those days when life was pretty free when we will enjoy ourselves on the couch catching up with our favorite drama of the day after work. Shopping and dine out can be anytime anywhere and stress free. I dressed up, put my makeup and lipstick on, blew my hair and when I felt that I looked presentable, off we went.
Today, I just don't bother to put any make up on because when makeup and sweat mix together, you know what is the outcome. To prepare two toddlers and a baby for an outing, most of the time my whole face is drenched with sweat. Once everyone gets into the car, I sit down, blast the aircond and take a deep breath. And I pray that the two toddlers will follow instructions and the baby will drink and sleep. No fuss. Sometimes a family outing can also be pretty stressful when I have to keep the kids quiet while the husband is dealing with the bumper to bumper jam. Tell me, how to keep the kids quiet when you know they are kids? Shouldn't we be thankful that they are active, means they are healthy?
Boy, how life has changed. Some days I just love to be home with my kids. But some days I regretted why I resigned. I miss talking and laughing together with my friends. I miss dressing up and looking good on the mirror. I miss my payslip and reward myself at the end of the month. I miss the ability to buy what I like or fly on a jet plane as and when we see cheap deals. I miss it when I can slowly enjoy my food. I miss having different environment to work in, great encounter with different people in the world.
When my colleague knew I resigned, she told me I will definitely miss having fun with friends and staying at home is like growing fungus on yourself. And another colleague told me that you will not have any conversation to talk to your husband because you're out from the world. All that you talk is oh, this vege is cheap. Oh, pasar malam sells cheaper fish. The auntys' talk. At that time, I just stared at her and smiled and I whispered in my heart, 'I will prove you wrong'.
Today, I felt like those words are slapping on my face. Staying at home makes me feel so lonely. The husband is busy all the time, except for the weekends. During weekdays, we hardly have time to sit down and cuddle and talk. He's so busy with his late night meetings and meetings that we all don't eat dinner together nor do we go to bed together. When me and the kids are sleeping, he's still working. It breaks my heart when sometimes the kids will say I want to sleep with daddy. Some days are so busy for him that I don't get to talk to him at all. All these makes me feel what is life all about.
I miss the good old working days. When we will come home together after work, have dinner and then we will tuck in bed together as a family, with our precious little ones next to us. Today, it's just so different. I also miss the hangouts with my friends. I miss the old working days when me and my colleagues always look at the clock for 12pm. We looked forward for lunch and we created a chatroom just to discuss what to eat and where to eat. And then we joked, talked and laughed. Not to mention, I have a very good understanding boss. And that makes my working life more vibrant. Those were the good old days.
This struggle is so real that some nights I just lie down and cry. Day after day, it's just another day passing by. The same routine. The same day. Just another day again. God, it's tough. I know you see it. I just need to find back the reason to appreciate life and smile. I just need to surrender everything and find rest under His wings. Rest and Relax.
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